Keep The Love Alive: Sustaining Wonderful Feelings In Any Sort Of Relationship
Have you ever recognized how enthusiasm and affection between two folks can dwindle as time goes on? Whether it is a romance, camaraderie, or a work relationship, often the air goes right out of your sails, seemingly for no reason.
But generally, it is not without cause. It is most typically due to the emotional cancer of resentment. However mild or extreme, resentment can erode a relationship. Since it is so subtle in the beginning, you seldom notice as it slowly destroys intimacy and trust and, finally, love.
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What will cause the cancer to spread? It is sacrifice, doing something for somebody else that you don't really want to do, which is influenced by the fear of what will take place if you do not do it.
In general, our culture confuses sacrifice with love, teaching us the virtue of loving other people a lot more than ourselves. So we try and demonstrate or prove love with sacrifice, and we get upset or feel unloved if others will not sacrifice for us.
However sacrifice is actually a wheel that crushes everyone who gets on it. It goes like this:
1. Whenever you sacrifice you have...
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2. An unspoken expectancy that creates hidden agendas, but, you get...
3. Frustrated since they fail to fulfill their end of the bargain so, you become...
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4. Resentful, perhaps angry, that leads inevitably to...
5. Guilt, so the very best way to atone for your guilt would be to...
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6. Sacrifice some more to prove what a good and loving individual you genuinely are. And 'round and 'round you go on your wheel of sacrifice.
You may be wondering if we think it's ever okay to give. Of course! Real service, or genuine giving, has no strings attached and expects absolutely nothing in return later. The reward is inside the experience of the giving itself.
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If you see you've been sacrificing, how do you get off this vicious circle? 3 ways:
1. Use forgiveness to treat your guilty feelings and thoughts.
2. Stop sacrificing and create a new understanding within your relationships that sacrifice is toxic. Come to an agreement not to do it anymore or expect other people to do it for you, which means you have the freedom to say no without losing love.
3. Make very clear requests and express precise expectations. Can you envision what your relationships might be like if no one sacrificed, but did only what they desired to do? The men and women you love and who adore you would be in your life because they really want to be there, not because they felt it was required or it was what they were "supposed" to do.
Since sacrifice is so deeply ingrained in our culture, you may experience resistance as you think about what you are reading here. But we inspire you to experiment.
If you can't get yourself and your partner out of this rut, begin anew. Try to find free dating sites online. Test your luck in any dating chat rooms to find out if you connect with someone new. Search: free dating chatting.
Practice the fine art of being accurate to yourself as well as the partnerships you develop.
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